I give up. How many times in your life have you thought that? How many times have you said to yourself enough is enough? When will it end? Why did I deserve this?
Are you angry? Scared? Pissed off this has taken over your life over forever? Pissed off you may not be able to watch your children grow up? Pissed you have no energy because you are so emotionally and physically drained from chemo?
Somehow though we manage to dig deep into our soul to find the strength to go onto the next day, week, month and year, God willing.
Somehow we look past the physical, unexplainable pain and emotional torment and carry-on. Somehow we tell ourselves we are still needed by our loved ones and we must fight for them!
It doesn't matter that we are consumed by fear and the unknown. It doesn't matter that no one seems to understand the trauma. It doesn't matter our bodies are forever changed. It doesn't matter some of us aren't comfortable in our own skin.
There is nothing glamorous about metastatic breast cancer. There is nothing sexy about hospital gowns and going to chemo every three weeks for the rest of your life, or until it stops working. There is nothing brave about reassuring your kids everything will be fine when you aren't sure yourself.
We find a way. We find a way to reinvent ourselves to defeat the burdens of metastatic breast cancer. We find joy in our children's milestones and we are grateful for the time we do have.
This has been my truth and my journey living with metastatic breast cancer. I am not a survivor, but a warrior fighting like hell to live the best I can.
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