The good news is three months ago I graduated from having my routine of PET, Bone, and CT scans to every six months. My oncologist compromised with me and said instead of going every month to Kansas City for my Xgeva injection, I could go every three months where I would still have labs and check-up. I suppose that is somewhat comforting, but also daunting.
In the past two months, I have spent a week in the hospital for low calcium, magnesium levels and a vitamin D deficiency. I have been in the Emergency room twice, and have been kind of depressed the past couple of months. I believe my short-term memory was affected also by the low levels, but I find myself coming back from that whole experience.
I have always struggled with depression, which then in turn, turns into a rut that you can't seem to pull out of. I have been in this rut and am determined to pull myself out. I have applied online for a few part-time jobs just to get myself out of the house and feel better about myself.
I know I can't just sit around my apartment and worry about my cancer coming back, but when you have nothing else to do, it's easy to go to that place. My sister-in-law's triple negative breast cancer came back after two years, and she died the year that I was first diagnosed. I have known others where theirs have come back in that time-frame. I finally decided to do something about the fear and join a local support group and have also decided to keep myself busy by joining a committee for RELAY FOR LIFE.
Until last night, Melanie and I have been keeping busy in the afternoons by participating in a local radio station's scavenger hunt. I was able to get some physical and mental exercise! Although we didn't find the treasure, we had a lot of fun!
I went for so long without having any control over my life, back to having that control again and I want to do something positive with my time and energy! Fear is completely normal, but I will not let the fear take over my life!
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