I've been out of the work force for nearly seven years. The first four years I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom; and the last three years I battled a Stage IV breast cancer diagnosis while living on Social Security. I absolutely hated being on social security mostly because there wasn't any money left over to do anything extra.
My dad's words, "Social Security isn't meant to be fun." Boy was he right. He encouraged me to get out there and find a job, go back to school, really anything to get me out of my apartment. I finally built up enough confidence in myself and applied for a job and got the job on the first try. I was pretty proud of myself but I worried constantly that I wouldn't be able to do some of the physical aspects of the job. My body just wouldn't allow me to which was and is extremely frustrating to me.
I just want to be normal again. I want to be able to do the things I use to do before I got cancer. I use to be able to stand on my feet for hours at a time without absolutely no problem and now I can last maybe six-seven hours before I'm hobbling around like an elderly person. I purchased expensive shoes and even purchased more arch support, but that doesn't seem to help. I just wonder how the chemotherapy affected the rest of my body while killing off cancer cells.
I thought maybe I just need more time, but it's already been two months and I'm not doing any better, well at least not to what I expect out of myself. I feel like I'm letting myself down and the company I work for down because I can't physically last an eight-ten hour shift.
Don't get me wrong. I am extremely grateful that I have opportunity to work. I am extremely grateful that even with a stage IV diagnosis that yes, I'm living with breast cancer, but there is no evidence of breast cancer, and that it hasn't returned.
I keep reminding myself that this is only temporary and my body will eventually get back to normal, but WHEN? I know two months isn't very long, but by nature I'm an impatient person.
