"I'm Gonna Love You Through It"

"Cancer don't discriminate, or care if you're just 38, with three kids who need you in their lives."

How powerful those lyrics were to me when I heard Martina McBride's rendition of,  I'm Gonna Love You Through It. 

The first time I heard this song on the radio, I had to pull over because I couldn't stop crying. The second time I listened to this song, I cranked up the volume and sang along even though I could never sound as beautiful as Martina, nor could I reach those high notes! The third time, I was with my husband on our way back from a chemotherapy treatment. He had turned the back of the SUV in to a bed for me by laying blankets down for padding and making sure I was comfortable. I asked him, "Can you turn it up please?" Although he was quiet, I knew those lyrics touched him as well. We pulled into the parking lot at our local Kwik Shop, and instead of killing the engine and going inside, we waited until the song was over. I always wondered if he was scared for me, or if he was scared for himself because he never showed me. However, I knew after that night how much he loved me even though I was having a hard time accepting it and the fact that we were so far apart.

There were so many challenges to overcome in my life and fighting for my life would be the "mother" of all challenges. 

I believe even more powerful than the lyrics, were the women in the music video sharing their personal stories. One woman who stood out to me the most was the one who said she was diagnosed on tax day, April 15th. I hadn't had a really good cry over what was happening to me and her words brought out such a raw emotion in me that I can't put it into my own words. However, she managed to convey what I was feeling. "They always loved on me, and never made me feel like a burden."

Katie Couric said in the video, "I'm lucky that I have a family who are incredibly supportive."

I was and am truly blessed to be surrounded by family who love me and wanted to protect me in the only ways they knew how. For my father, it was helping me with my finances and being there for me when he could. I know how much he hates hospitals, but he flew in just to be there for me and take care of me afterwards.

My aunt promised my mother that she would watch over her children, and my aunt has lived up to her promise. She held my hand when the oncologist told me I had stage IV breast cancer. She made the phone calls to family that I couldn't make. She changed her incredibly busy schedule around so she could be there for me during each of my surgeries. She cried with me when my breast cancer surgeon said the pathology report was clear and they got all of the cancer. I will never be able to repay her back except maybe to pay it forward to someone else!

My sister-in-law who I felt was more my sister than an in-law was always there to listen to me whenever I called her. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but she was always supportive of me. She made a point to tell me how much she loved this song as well, as it was released at the same time of my diagnosis.

Every day my best friend who I call my sister, made it easier for me, and I love you. You made it okay for me to cry, and laugh. You were also my escape from my over-protective family. Three years later, and we're still coming up with jokes about tassels on the perky "girls."

"Now, it's forced smiles and baggy shirts, to hide what the cancer took from her she just wants to feel like a woman again. She said I don't think I can do this anymore, he took her in his arms and said that's what my love is for."

I was sitting on the edge of my bed getting ready to take  a shower for the first time since my double mastectomy. I was so scared as to what I was about to see, but with the help of my aunt I managed to get through it.

You know what's cool about winter? Sweaters and bulky coats. I think I was more self-conscience of my appearance than anything. Half the time people couldn't even tell I had no breasts. I finally felt some-what normal. I loved going into Kwik Shop every day and joke around with staff. They made me laugh and forget I had what I thought was a death sentence hanging over my head.

With a cancer diagnosis, there is the fear of the unknown. You can't hide from it, you can't run from it, you can't ignore it, you simply can't escape it. However, you can rise above it just as the survivors and caretakers symbolically demonstrated at the end of the video with the lanterns filling the sky and giving it all to God. You have to believe that you will get through this.

I am about a month from turning 39 and approaching my "technical" one year anniversary of having NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER! One year since my final radiation treatment, and two years since my last chemotherapy treatment. Thank you to my family and friends and the healing power of Martina McBride's  "I'm Gonna Love You Through It."