What Now?

For the last year and a half, my life has been comprised of doctor's appointments, scans, biopsies, surgeries, counseling, fighting matches, stress, tears, fear of the unknown, meds (at one time I was on 20 different kinds of drugs,) court dates, seclusion, and so many other emotions I don't think there are words that have been created yet to describe these feelings.

I honestly did not want to do my radiations. The thought that radiation causes cancer and the thought that I could develop a hole in my chest wall or my sternum scared the shit out of me. I was scared of staying at the Hope Lodge in Kansas City, MO, and being away from the closest people in my life. I didn't want to miss out on anything important in my children's life while I would be away for the long, six weeks. Another perspective though is yes, I would be missing out, but at least I'll be able to enjoy more time with them in the long run. 

Much to my surprise I've enjoyed the time I have spent at the Hope Lodge. People ask me what it's like at the Hope Lodge so this is my chance to share the wonderful experiences.

You wouldn't think that you could become close to people in such a short amount of time, but as many of us say, "We're all here for the same reason," so of course we all share a common bond. Some of these people I feel like I've known for my whole life. Take for example, Larry and Audry. By all appearances they look like they're father and daughter, but as Audry states instead of Larry "robbing the cradle," she's "robbing the grave." Once you sit down with them and get to know them you understand why they work so well together.
In many families, the one you're born into and the one you're adopted into everyone has his or her role. Even when you're put with complete strangers at first.

Nicky and Albert are my next favorite people. Nicky, of course, is the resident "house" mom as I like to call her. She makes sure those of us without caregivers always have food in front of us. I swear with her cooking I've probably gained five pounds since I've been here. Between her and others someone is always putting food in front of me.

Now, we have those patients who love to give away sweets and thanks to Miss June and Cookie, I've gained two pounds from cinnamon rolls. You know the ones I'm talking about. Frosting dripping throughout the roll with extra frosting on top. The great, big ones that probably have 2000 calories and 20-30 grams of fat in just one.

 (Did I mention her nickname is Cookie? I guess that should have been my first clue that she was going to  re-introduce me to the world of  sweets after chemotherapy. Haha)

Miss June frosting those cupcakes for the Texas Hold'em dinner at Hope Lodge. Cookie's daughter raised $3,500 in support of The Hope Lodge. What an awesome person to do that!!

 But let me tell you, they are totally worth the 2-3 pounds gained. Haha. Then, Cookie of course, is posting all of these awesome decadent recipes on her facebook. I mean Reese's Peanut Buttercup frozen pie, come on. I'm trying to lose a few pounds, not put more on by just looking at a picture. I really think you can gain weight by just looking at one of these pictures.