Bloomin' Boobs

I'll never forget the day I found out I had breast cancer. I knew I had a lump and had put off going to the doctor on purpose. I feared what she was going to say. I had, had lumps in the past and they turned out begnin, but something about this one was different. I knew better than to ignore this because of my family history. My grandmother had breast cancer, my mother had, had it at an early age and died of ovarian cancer, and at the time this all happened my sister-in-law was dying of triple negative breast cancer. I knew before I even went what the outcome was going to be that day, but I just couldn't accept it in my head.
Dr. Mcginness walked in the room after I had waited for over an hour. I was nervous and scared and didn't really want to hear what she was going to say next. She felt around my breasts and armpits and then held my hand and told me I had breast cancer. I was in disbelief even though I had sensed it already.
"But it's just like last time," I said. "Are you sure?" I mean how could she tell just be feeling around?
"Yes, I'm sure." This was an OB-GYN top in her field after all. Her nurse, MaryJo informed me she was right 95 percent of the time.
"By the size and appearance of the lump, I would say you are at stage IV."
Again, my first reaction is to argue with her. I wanted to run out of the room and get in my car and drive home. This was just a bad dream. "Wake up Leslie, WAKE UP."
I was awake though, and this was real. Very real.
"Can I call anyone for you?" the doctor asked.
I thought to myself who could I call? After all my husband was in Texas, my mother was dead, my sister was helping out with my kids, and my aunt had a daycare to run. There was noone. I was alone. I had to hear this news alone.
Once the news sunk in, Dr. Mcginess went into full attack mode. Not towards me, but towards the cancer. She wasn't going to waist anymore time.
"We need to schedule a CT scan, MRI, and I want to refer you to Dr. Sharma. Can you stay?"
I didn't really want to, but I knew if I didn't I'd never come back.
"Yes," I responded.
"We need you to head over to imaging for your mamogram."
So that was that. Appointments were made, and the process began. My life had been turned completely upside down in the matter of an hour.
I had a wonderful nurse who helped me navigate through the day, and let me tell you the day was awful. I started with a mamogram. That in itself is traumatic. I don't want to scare anyone into not having one done, but it's not pleasant. For us short people, you have to reach in such an awkward position and then hold the position for six to however many images they need to get. Then, it's the next one.
The last time I was at Westwood Cancer center was when I was with my mom. I had so many emotions running through my mind and such anxiety. I probably should have taken an anxiety pill before I went.
After the mammogram, I had to have an ultrasound done of the right and left breast, and then after that they preformed a biopsy where they took samples and put in clips. Finally, another mammogram with the clips in which hurt even worse than the first time.
I was an emotional mess. I went off on the tech and told her I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. By the end of the day I was so emotionally drained I had tears streaming down my cheeks.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I've never blogged before so I apologize in advance if my posts are at all confusing. I love to write, but also love feedback. So for those of you with similar experiences I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear from men who have had to help their wives battle cancer, or anyone who was or is a caregiver.