For me, keeping my breasts was not an option. I think many of us put in this position worry more about our looks afterwards than the health benefits. How sad is that? Something that can save our lives is overshadowed by how we would look without our girls. I was worried about my appearance, how my husband would see my differently, and how sex would be without my breasts. They are a huge part of your life. How would life be different without them?
During a follow-up appointment, the surgeon said I was healing nicely. I looked down and started to cry. I had actually forgotten for a moment that they were no longer there. NO ONE knows what this feels like until they have gone through it. You can have a ton of supporters who love and care about you, but there really isn't anything they can say that can make you feel better about losing a part of yourself.
The drains are not complicated, but highly annoying. Every day for two weeks or more you have to dump the drains, and measure how much fluid is coming out. The "bulbs" that you squeeze the excess fluid from are awkward to say the least. You can't really tuck them away. I wore a special bra that had little pockets for the bulb part of the drain to lay in, but it was still awkward walking around.
Taking a shower after the surgery can be challenging as well. You have to keep the site absolutely dry so the surgical site does not get infected. I wore a bandage and then had an ace bandage wrapped around my chest for several days. I felt so yucky and un kept not being able to take a shower or bath.
I don't think people realize how much of an emotional experience this is. Added to that emotional distress is the Oxycontin , Oxycodone, and Valium they prescribe to you for pain. These types of drugs make you extremely tired and can cause you to become very angry. Sometimes you say something hateful, and you don't even realize your lashing out.
I was so angry at my dad and my aunt when they stayed with me after my surgery. All they seemed to care about was ganging up on me. In fact, my aunt had revealed to me my dad had asked her to gang up on me in so many words. My sister came over the day after I got home and we were sitting on my back porch visiting. Of course, we were discussing my husband at the time. She knew him better than anyone else unlike, those who only knew him for five minutes, yet they seemed to be experts on him.
Anyhow, later that day after I had taken a three-hour nap from being physically and mentally exhausted, my aunt had told my dad about our conversation from earlier. All that did was stir the pot. I believe he was irritated that I had slept so long. I couldn't believe it. I had only been home a day. I think he was more upset that my aunt had told him about our conversation. She had told me he wanted her and him to gang up on me to "see the light." How was that appropriate at all? I had just undergone major surgery and we were still arguing over my marriage. MY MARRIAGE, not anyone elses'. Not his, my aunts, my siblings, my best friend's, but my marriage.
I felt like I was that 15 year old kid he was trying to rescue again. Except he didn't reach out to me back then. I had to threaten my mother that I was going to live with my dad before my grandpa finally stepped in and said I could. Making that phone call to my dad was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made. I was going to be leaving all I knew behind. I owe my decision to my best friend back then, Jeff. He was there for me and I'll never forget that.
I'm not trying to glorify my husband by any means. But the people in my life didn't live with me day in and day out. Do I agree with how my husband handled things? No. But that's still between us. We all make mistakes and we all try to move forward. I try and teach my children that you don't give up on those you love. You may have to put distance between yourself and those people, and sometimes people just don't become the people you want them to be.
My aunt cleaned my house for me which I obviously had been unable to manage for six months. I will always be grateful for that. Her comments about how dysfuncitonal my family is really hurts. It's not her place to call us dysfunctional even though it's true. However, there is dysfunction in her own family that she can't see, or won't see. I don't know which one it is.
I guess I'm pointing all of this out is because when a person is recovering from a major surgery, you don't bombard them with family drama. You try and be empathetic even if you don't know how. You let them make their own choices and support them even if you disagree with them. You love them and ask them how they can help you. You don't simply try to take over their life.
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