A helping hand

10. How are you feeling? Really?? How am I feeling?? How would you feel after being shot up with poison for eight hours.

9.  If you're a caretaker, do not, I repeat do not give the cancer patient hot tomales for their dinner. I had a neighbor think I might actually like these.

8.  If you've had cancer and are trying to console a friend who has cancer, do not constantly compare your experience to theirs. Everytime I had a conversation with a particular individual the conversation always started out, "When I had cancer," or "your tastebuds are never going to be the same." Everyone is different and reacts differently to chemotherapy. Don't make the converstion about you. Cancer patients really just need someone there. Sometimes no conversation is the best conversation. Just knowing you are thinking about them and are there for them is enough.

7.  Overprotective family...Don't get me wrong. Family is an important support system. However, family should not try and "police" the cancer patient. We know our limitations and what is good for us. We know what we should be doing. Just because you think a patient should be doing something, doesn't mean they will. If you disagree with them, keep it to yourself. Isolation isn't the answer in keeping away germs.

6.  Again, if you're a caretaker, ask your friend or relative how involved they want you to be. If you're there for support at a doctor's visit be ready to take down information, but sit quietly in the background. Oncologists only want to deal with the patient, not the entire family. This is their illness, not yours. They have had their life turned upside down and no longer have control over their bodies. The last thing they need is for someone to take over an appointment.

5.  Be that person available to call at midnight or two in the morning.

4.  Don't make the cancer patient feel guilty for sleeping more. Fatigue is an understatement with chemotherapy.

3.  Be prepared for mood swings. You may be doing everything you can for the person your taken care of, but when there is noone else to lash out at, you may be the only person left. Understand this isn't them. They are facing mortality. They are scared. Just take it.

2.  Know that we love you and couldn't go through this without you. You can' t expect a pat on the back for attending an appointment or being their for surgery. If you make that choice, don't expect gratitude right away. The cancer patient has more things on his/her mind than saying thank you.

1. Just be there. Be there when noone else will be. Don't tell them they need to fight. We know we need to fight. There are days though you don't want to fight. There are days where you're angry with God, with your spouse, with the person taking care of you. There are days where you think this will never be over. There are days when encouragement just isn't enough.