Previous to my cancer diagnosis, my sister had visited for the weekend and stayed with my kids so I could go to Kansas City for my appointment where I would learn I did in fact have cancer. Upon my return, I came home to a different house.
My house wasn't a disaster when I had left. Yes, it was cluttered. Yes, I had been fighting a mouse problem that was just about taken care of. No, I hadn't yet cleaned up yet. Keep in mind, I was diagnosed as stage IV breast cancer which means I was probably living with it for quite a while. I was always tired and the energy I did have was spent taking care of my children's needs the best of what I could do. I was also enjoying life. I loved taking my son to his football practices and going to his games. I loved hanging out with Mickaela.
According to Dr. Mcginness's instructions, I was suppose to take it easy for the next couple of days. After all, I had just undergone two biopsies in my left breast and was sore. I had just experienced a trauma and I wasn't ready to talk about it yet with anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. Well, left alone with my children to think about what was going to happen next and where I went from here.
When my husband and I seperated, he took my two youngest with him. At the time, it was the best thing to do and with my cancer diagnosis there was no way I'd be able to take care of them. I still had Sam and Emma's things in their room because I knew they would be returning. This was their home too.
My sister had completely cleaned my older son's room, which he was suppose to have done. I had it cleaned two weeks prior, but he was 12 years old. He knew how to pick up after himself he just chose not to. She took the bunk beds down and rearranged it so it would just be Nick's room. I hadn't overreacted to that. She had also vacummed the mouse droppings up that I hadn't done yet.
That evening went fine as well. Both children had new bedding, which she took credit for as well as getting Nick a new mattress. I was completely shocked by her efforts to make things better. At least, I thought she was trying to make things better. The next day however, was awful.
She was up and hard at work again. I really appreciated her hard work, but I felt like she was annoyed that I wasn't helping her do anything. I wasn't suppose to push a vacuum, lift, or really do anything. I thought she would have understood this given the fact she was studying to be a nurse. I really thought she would have realized that I needed my rest. I didn't need to hear clanking of totes in the bathrooom tub while I tried to get some sleep.
Later that day, it was time for my son to get ready for football practice. She was out practicing volleyball with my daughter and my son was looking for his "essential" parts of his uniform which he couldn't find and we couldn't leave til he found them.
"Do you know where Nick's cup is?" I asked her.
She ignored me and continued to play volleyball with Mickaela. I asked her again and she still ignored me. Was I nice about it? Probably not because she had rearranged everything in his room and he didn't know where she put it and she wouldn't come into look for it. I don't remember what happened from that point on, but I do know my annoyance with her had escalated to a fight with her which could have been avoided if she would have helped her nephew look for what he needed.
I blew up at her. I was stressed beyond what anyone could imagine and she calmly and sarchastically told my children that I was reacting this way because I was bipolar. (A story for another time). I told the kids to get in the van and I wanted her to leave my house if she was going to behave that way towards me. Upon my return, she was standing outside across the street talking to my neighbor, which I found incredibly annoying.
My sister and I have never seen eye to eye on anything. I may not be perfect, but I am the mother. I am the one who takes care of my children on a day in and day out basis. I am the one who fixes their meals, takes them to school and picks them up, takes them to the doctor, and everything else a mother does. I try and make decisions based on their well-being and she has never respected me as a mother. She can disagree with me, but she has to respect me as a sister and as a mother.
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