Counseling

I was really nervous about pastoral counseling. I wanted to have extra support there and at the time I was very trusting of Becky, so I invited her to go with me.
We walked up to the church and was greeted with warm handshakes by Jenn and Norm. They had an inviting room with a warm atmosphere. We both sat on the plaid couch and Jenn and Norm took their cue and sat on wing backed chairs. You couldn't help but notice the bibles on the end table and their legal pad they wrote on to take their notes.
Norm led the session. I thought to myself, an engineer by trade, a previous winery owner, and now a pastoral counselor? Does he really know what he's doing, or is he just as lost as the rest of us?
One of the first things he had me do was fill out a sheet of people in my life who I thought were controlling and then rank them. I had to list just about everyone. Maybe controlling isn't the right word.
Of course with any counseling, they ask you what you'd like to accomplish or what are my goals?
"I just want to be happy and peaceful," I said.
"I don't think I've ever been truly happy. I set myself up to fail, whether it's work, school, kids, or especially my marriage."
"When you're ready, you need to ask God for help," Norm said. "Give it all to him."
I hesitated, and replied, "I'm not ready for that."
Norm responded, "That's okay. When the day comes we will be here for you, let's pray on it."
He pulled out his bible and we all bowed our heads. He read scripture and then he prayed in his own words.
Three hours later it was time to end the session. I felt rejuvenated. I felt that anything was possible, but I had so many questions. If I give it to God, then what? It's not like the problems just go away. I'm still the same person.
Part of what I did learn even with all the skepticism is that you don't have control over your life. You don't know what is going to happen, only God knows. Your life is predestined. God gives you free will to make choices. It's what you do with those choices. You don't have the power here, you never did.
Cancer will teach you that. Where you once thought you had control over your body and health, you simply don't. You have the choice of who your doctors will be, and if you choose treatment or choose to die, but it's up to God essentially.
This was a really difficult concept for me. I had to trust in my doctors, I had to believe that I was going to beat this. I suppose that's why they say 80 percent of beating cancer is positive thinking.