BRCA1 Gene and decisions

I haven't talked about this much before, but three years while I was pregnant, I found a lump in my breast. Talk about being scared then. My mom was alive then though and was able to go with me for support. Dr. Mcginness felt my breast and biopsied the site. They concluded it was non-cancerous. During the appointment, she talked to me about genetic testing for the BRCA genes. She explained to me the benefits of having this test done, and because my mother had already tested positive for the gene, my cost would be significantly less. Insurance wasn't an issue at the time since we had Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield so I agreed to have it done. I suppose I should have given it more thought because if you're not sure what you're going to do once you hear the results there really isn't any sense of having this test done.
Within a few days, I knew that I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene. What did this mean for me personally? I honestly didn't know. I just ignored it for quite a while I guess. I talked to my husband about having a double masectomy for prevention, and he was extremely supportive of it. I wasn't ready for that though. I thought, like most people it was a little extreme. I mean, these are my breasts. They are part of who I am. What would it mean for me if I didn't have them anymore? After all, it was one part of my body which I was quite fond of.
Knowing your predestined to have cancer isn't something that's easy to wrap your head around. Like many women, the easiest thing to do is ignore it. I supppose that's why I ignored the lump I felt. I was going through so much though.
My mom had just died the previous year from battling ovarian cancer, my sister-in-law was literally on her death bed fighting triple negative breast cancer. At the time, I justified it by using him as an excuse. I didn't think we could handle something this huge. Bottom line was, I couldn't handle it. I didn't want to go to the doctor. I knew in my gutt what my doctor was going to say.
I wanted my husband to force me to go the doctor. I wanted him to say, I want you to live. I wanted him to fight my fight. But this was my fight. Noone else could fight it for me. Noone else could make me go if I didn't value myself high enough to live.
When I found out, I wanted to blame him for not fighting harder for me to go to the doctor. He was my husband and we were suppose to be there for each other in sickness and in health. I felt that if he didn't fight for me, then he really didn't love me or want me to live. It was just the opposite though. He wanted me to fight for myself and he wanted me to value my life and fight for my life.
Because my neighbor knew how I was feeling, she used my emotions as an emotional weapon against me. She tried to convince me my husband really didn't love me since he wasn't here supporting me. She told me all he focussed on was what would happen if I died. All he cared about was my money and what he would get in the event of my death. The sad thing was, I believed her. I believed all he cared about was himself and what he could gain.
Now, I ask myself what does the breast cancer gene for my sons and daughters? How will I encourage my daughters to get rid of their breasts at a young age so they don't have to go through what the rest of the women in my family have gone through.
The BRCA gene affects only a small percentage of women who actually have breast cancer. In my sister-in-law's case, there was absolutely no family history. If you have the gene statistics are high which in all likeliness means you will develop breast cancer. In a way, that was one of God's gifts. For some of us, at least we are able to find out ahead of time.
I strongly urge you, if you test positive, be ready to make some tough decisions. They shouldn't be tough decisions, but they are. Bottom line is, if you're able to live a cancer-free life, then be proactive and get tested.