"Give it to God"

"Close your eyes. Now, visualize yourself in God's image. Imagine yourself wrapped in his arms. He's protecting you. What does he look like to you? Now, give all your problems to God. Let Him carry the burden for you. He loves you and will protect you. The people who have hurt you before cannot hurt you anymore. Imagine a jail cell. She can't hurt you anymore. She's in 'Jesus Jail.' She has to answer to God now." Norm explained.
Pretty powerful if you're trying to remove anger from your life. If you're trying to forgive the people who have hurt you and preventing them from hurting you into the future. Just give it to God.
I believed so deeply, with everything I had that this process was going to help me forgive and help me heal my past and help me become a better person. I believed God would take me in His arms and take care of me. He would heal me. He would heal my shattered heart. I felt that finally I could let all of my anger and resentment go. I felt that I finally had people in my life who loved me and cared about me and accepted me for who I was. I was worthy of being loved.
Becky came over whenever she wanted to "check" on me while I was recovering from chemo. In some ways it was a blessing to know that someone was there who actually cared about me. She had my very best interest at heart. After all, I entrusted this woman with my children.
Every day she would knock and just let herself in. She would sit on my couch and tell me how she supported my choice to keep my marriage in tact.
"Leslie, I went through what you're going through a few years ago. Roger and I went to a retreat in Nebraska and it saved our marriage," she said. The only thing I can compare it to is a marriage encounter. No TV, no phones, no computer, no communication of any kind.
"They will give you the tools to communicate with your husband. They will teach you how to listen to each other." Becky said.
"Yes, I want to do this," I replied. "I need to do this."
I was full of hope that this is exactly what my husband and I needed to repair our broken marriage. If she believed in our marriage surviving, I knew it was possible. I knew if I was happy, then I would be able to love and trust my husband with everything I had.
I called my husband and explained to him about this four day retreat. I just didn't know when we would be able to do it because I was undergoing chemo.
"I really think this is what we need," I told him.
"Leslie, you need to 'fix' you, before we can fix our marriage," He responded. I was so angry with him. I didn't want to wait. I didn't want to "fix" myself. I felt that even if I "fixed" myself we still needed to do this and I really didn't want to waist anymore time. I wanted my family back. I wanted him to come back home and take care of me.
I fought him every step of the way. I didn't believe he loved me because he wouldn't do this one thing for me. Every time we spoke on the phone it would turn into another fight, and I started them. At the time I didn't realize I was starting them on purpose, but now I think I started them to get a reaction from him. Any reaction was better at this point then no reaction at all. I didn't care that he was taking care of our two smaller children, I didn't care that I had hurt him in more ways than one. I just didn't care. I took him for granted. All I cared about was getting him to say he still loved me and wanted to be my husband again.