Bloomin' Boobs

I believe in Becky's own mind that she believed she was protecting my children from myself and my husband as she did with her own daughter. She created this fantasy that she would have her big family. Of course her husband supported her, but his only information was coming from his wife's twisted version of the truth. They honestly believed I was going to die and they were taking the steps to adopt my children even though their father was alive.
Until last year, their daughter had no idea she had been adopted. It wasn't until Becky took my children to see Doug Hood, a supposed psychologist, that her daughter learned she had been adopted. In this day and age, most children know they are adopted from they time they speak. Adoptive parents are so grateful for their gift of a child, they want their children to know where they came from. It is the right thing to do. Why would Becky and Roger keep this from their daughter unless their was something they didn't want their daughter to know about?
In light of a conversation with my older son, he believed they were seeing Doug to help with the transition of possibly being adopted by Becky and Roger. Grief counseling my ass. In Nick's opinion he described Doug as a "creeper." I can only imagine what my kids thought. Were they telling Nick and Mickaela that I was dying and their dad didn't want them? I believe they were.
"Nick is starting to realize his dad only thinks of himself and doesn't really care what Nick is doing," Becky told me one day.
Is my ex-husband self-absorbed? Maybe. Does he have a difficult time expressing his emotions? Yes. To tell me that Nick thinks his dad doesn't care about what he was doing was ridiculous. Why would you try to get a child to think your parents don't love them other than to take them away from you?
As parents, I think we relate to our kids in their experiences by comparing them to our own. It's really difficult not to and that's what my ex-husband does. If the kids are involved in something he doesn't know much about, then he disengages. I don't believe he does it on purpose by any means.
Becky was very good at what she did. She alienated my Aunt from speaking to the kids and my sister. The only people she would let see or even talk to my children were my dad and my brother and his wife. She wasn't about to do screw up in front of them considering my sister-in-law worked for Parents as Teachers.
They thought she was wonderful and really cared about Nick and Mickaela. It's my own fault really because they wanted to support my choices and decisions and respect whatever it was I wanted to do. I also spoke very highly of Becky and Roger so why wouldn't they like her. I can't fault them for that. However, when things started to get hairy they sided with Becky and Roger and that made me very upset. They had no idea what was going on. They only knew what Becky told them and given the fact she knew my past history and knew how I thought, why wouldn't they believe her?
I realize now that Becky was only nice to them because she wanted my children for herself. She knew I had made my brother and sister-in-law their guardians in the event of my death and in the event that my ex-husband wouldn't be able to care for them. Becky would constantly try to get me to change my mind and list her and Roger as their guardians if I died. I think Becky thought she could persuade my brother and sister-in-law to let the children to continue to live with them if something were to happen to me and that was the only reason she was being nice to them. Becky was very calculating and had a lot of people convinced the kids were better off with her.
I've been trying really hard to let all of this go, but it's difficult at times. The more I think about, the more I'm angry with myself for allowing my children to stay with unstable people. How could I let myself be convinced that this was the best thing for them? How could I let myself fall in love with the fact that these people truly cared about me?